giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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