Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
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