The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
This toilet bowl is my home.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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