Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize