There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
