And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'm getting married
To pizza
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
