mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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