You just made me feel so damn special
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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