How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
