there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
