I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Duck Duck Cougar?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
