I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
