Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
this boner is exhausting
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
