I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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