Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize