I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
