this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
