shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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