I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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