I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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