Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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