At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
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