hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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