i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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