i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
