Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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