yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
