Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Panties = found
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
