When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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