I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
