A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
