He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
