She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
