OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
