He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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