I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
