so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
