Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
not ubering you a puppy
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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