Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize