my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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