you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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