We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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