True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
