He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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