She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
