Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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