Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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