i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
