Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Randomize
