I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
