I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
