I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Randomize
