You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
