sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
