they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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