yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
