Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
