i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Randomize
