come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
