sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
