And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
