how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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