i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
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