you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
