do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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