People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
