you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
