This dress was meant to end up on your floor
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
How does one acquire holy water?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
