My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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