i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
