I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
