definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
