I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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