it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
