i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Someone came in the potted fern
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
